Saturday, January 26, 2013

Weekend Bonus: Profile Analysis!

As a weekend bonus, you get some excerpts from one of the more...interesting...OK Cupid profiles I've run across. With analysis!

I'm pretty awesome. Not cocky, just true. A smart computer nerd who likes the outdoors, flirting.... I'm seeking smart, independent, in shape women; clingy crazies need not apply.

"My humanity is a constant self-overcoming"
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Let's examine this first paragraph. Starting off with "I'm pretty awesome. Not cocky, just true" makes me think the exact opposite about you.
"Clingy crazies need not apply" sets off warning bells. The notion of labeling women as crazy sets my teeth on edge for many reasons, and chances are if all of your exes are crazy...well, the only common denominator is you.
Finally, this may just be me speaking as a philosophy minor in college, but any time someone quotes Nietzsche, I start getting worried. In my opinion, only college freshmen are big Nietzsche fans, and college freshmen are fucking idiots.

I understand and can teach the following: Kayaking, lockpicking.... the female orgasm....restoring women's faith in humanity, ice skating, planning heists, and theatrically performing in public.

Please note the text in red. I've found that if you're bragging about that, it's not true. At all. Though, with the way many guys seem to view female sexuality, perhaps lockpicking and the female orgasm are related in their minds?

Books: Too many to list, I lean towards Nietzsche / Rand (but not in the crazy right-wing way). Tucker Max-.... I really enjoy reading about the rules / reasoning behind people and society, such as books on psychology and evolutionary theory like Red Queen, Sperm Wars, Selfish Gene, etc.

Oy, Randians. Back to the whole fucking idiot college freshmen thing. Also, ugh, Tucker Max. Finally, people who believe in evolutionary psychology also set my teeth on edge, because they ignore so many more interesting things about human psychology, and also have a tendency to look at data and ignore everything that doesn't fit into their narrow-minded 1950s ideals. It's pretty frustrating.

Anyway! Enjoy those short excerpts. Believe me, the entire profile is sheer comedy gold.


  1. There is so much douche-tastic-ness in these short excerpts. And to be honest, the moment I see "seeking in-shape women," NOPE.

    1. Sometimes I wonder what shape they want. Like, is it okay if I'm a square, or is an octagon preferable?

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