Oh dear

I will just post this without comment....

Poetry!

This would have been better as a haiku.

Terrible jokes!

Presented without comment.

In case you're curious, the answer is probably somewhere around four pairs of heels? Assuming I can hook them into my bra.

Messages from hipsters

Going for classy today:

I hope they lysol their clubhouse

Today's message sadly only exists in the archives of my gchats. I dearly wish I had a screenshot of it, but at least it's been preserved in some form:

hello there,

I think you're kinda cool. I've started a small, invitation-based club, mostly of okcupid members in and around St. Louis to get together and have fun.
Most things go from watching movies, to partying, to hanging out, to even having casual sex.

So... hit me up if you wanna hangout with us and i'll send you an invitation.
We don't discriminate among gender, race, sex(ual orientation), body type or religion, but we do vote on who to accept or reject. Almost all members are younger than 28.

I...no thanks. I'm pretty sure that by voting, you do in fact discriminate using all of those factors.

Also, "to even having casual sex."

Excellence

So sometimes I look at my OK Cupid messages while at a bar with my friends. I usually refuse to let them touch my phone (because I don't trust what they'll do with it), but when this guy's message came in, I had to let my friends use my account to respond to it. Please enjoy the following saga:

Sadly, this guy deleted his account, so I never received another message from him.

Cucumber? Banana? Dildo?

I present this without further comment:

Also, in case anyone's curious...

....The approximate breakdown of messages I get on OKC is something like:
70% are just "Hi, how are you, my name is x." Why would I respond to this? Put in some effort. You're trying to make a first impression.

Another 20% are creepers, and thus end up on this blog.

Then another 8% are things that are at least somewhat offensive, like "Well my dear, for a "brown American" you sound pretty awesome." You don't know me. Casual -isms aren't going to work. Negging never works, even if you do know me. Stop listening to PUAs.

And then maybe 2% are messages worth reading.

What profile does he think he read?

I really wonder what profile he thinks he read? Or maybe he just sends that to everyone hoping for a bite.

So interestingly, he had a 9% match rating with me. It takes a lot of disagreement on some pretty fundamental things to have a match rating that low, so I decided to look at his questions and see what I found. And...

"Take advantage of the situation." Well, that explains the 9% match...