A gem I recently received...

And this guy had a decent match percent with me, which makes me a sad panda.

No, sir

You may not send me pictures of your penis.

Sometimes I wonder if guys realize that I just make fun of their dicks when they send me pictures?

Messages from hipsters

Going for classy today:

What profile does he think he read?

I really wonder what profile he thinks he read? Or maybe he just sends that to everyone hoping for a bite.

So interestingly, he had a 9% match rating with me. It takes a lot of disagreement on some pretty fundamental things to have a match rating that low, so I decided to look at his questions and see what I found. And...

"Take advantage of the situation." Well, that explains the 9% match...

Directionality

I don't really know how to "east" an ass, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to find out.

Also, I really want to know, does sending this kind of message ever actually work?

So much do not want

And sometimes I get messages that aren't offensive, just...so many layers of do not want that it's basically a goddamn layer cake. Such as this:

A) AHHHH 19.
B) I mean really, does it matter how old you'd have to be? Still 19.
C) Shitty sex avoided.
D) So many bad jokes about "great fit," I can't pick just one.

But at least he wasn't gratuitously offensive?

Classiness up in hurr

Good life goals here:

Sadly, I think he's still failed in it.

And a bonus...

Bonus round! Since I copy the interesting messages to my friends on gchat or Facebook, some of them have been preserved outside of my tiny OKC inbox. Behold!

"I'm almost too embarrassed to say this, but I'll just say it. I would be willing to suck any of your ex-boyfriend's penis' just to hold your hand. I'm Justin! :)"

I'm not sure how said ex-bfs would feel about that. I'm going to go with no.