This is why we can't have nice things

I hate when a creepy rando from OKC recognizes me in public:

Of course.

A typical day on OKC:

Want a sugar daddy?
Sent Yesterday
Block them Report

What's the dollar amount attached to that?
Sent Yesterday

Depends on what you want.
Sent Yesterday

Well, my real daddy never got me a pony.
Sent Yesterday

lol... if that's what you want.
Sent Yesterday

I figure it's a start.
Sent Yesterday

you really interested?
Sent Yesterday

i know nothing about you, what you look like, or what your income level is.
Sent Yesterday

income level us 150,000 k a year. I am cute and tall.
Sent Yesterday

Yeah, I've learned not to take someone's word for that on the internet.
Sent Yesterday

I understand. But if those things were true would you be interested? I need this be be discrete and I need sex.
Sent Yesterday
• 
  Why the discretion?

  Sent Yesterday
• 
  im married

The Vellozeberry is back

With more gross messages for all y'all to see! All received within about a week's timespan. I'm just going to paste them in largely without commentary.

From a guy in Kansas:

you looking for a one nighter or a possible friends with benefits situation? if ur interested message me back btw ur extremely sexy, and it would be very hot to travel to come see you for a night of fun. ;p

From a 44 year old man:

Hey sexy,Why don't you take a chance and meet this "Old Fart"? I actually look nowhere close to my age & I am in really good shape.I would love to help you work out those knots in your shoulders. I am extremely good at massage.I know I have sent you a message before & you did not respond. If I don't hear back from you then I will not bother you again.Interested?
Rick

I had no idea how to respond to this: 

Send me a message or I'll come tickle your feet! Haha :P

"Juicy" is rarely a word I use for this: 

So what's the biggest juiciest dick you've ever had beautiful and how was it?;)

Wut:

What she wantsWhat she getsWhat she lovesWhat's her wishHer voiceHer touchHer loveHer lipsHer eyesWhat is her wish?What is her wish?I'll take her to beautiful placesShow her my beautiful friendsWe'll co-create some beautiful spacesAnd co-create a love that never endsI'll love her like a goddess as she learns the ways of graceIn touch with her sacred feminine she can't help but to pour her heart into the roomand put a smile on every faceHer universal power used for greatness.I had a dream about you last nightIt was really sweetThere will be a sequel

Offer for all you ladies:

Hey there I'm Benjamin and I was wondering if you'd like a great free massage it's not nude you just have to wear leggings. I'm in school to be a medical massage therapist and we have to get 20 hours of massages in for part of our final grade. I understand this sounds weird and a bit creepy but honestly I know no one around here seeing how I'm new to the STL area if your interested text me or call and I'll fill you in about the massage and all 618-708-1158

Razzleberry's Second Batch

Welp, it's been a couple weeks. Haven't found the right person yet, so you guys get to see some of the NOPEs ;)

I don't know what it is  about my picture or profile that screams "wholesome young woman looking for older sugar daddy to care for me" (except y'know the stated age range I'm looking for on my profile) but here's another one in his late 40s saying much the same thing as the first dude from last time. Also, note he's from San Francisco...

Also, referring to last post! This is from the classiest of bros (the one who had his own addition to my list of "why pediatrics"). After that exchange, HE ignored me for over two weeks then sent that message exactly as pictured. The classiest!

 So this one is a good start.... but that's all it is?

????? I don't even know what he expects someone to say to that as his only message...

Who's got two thumbs and a corny message? THIS AWESOME GUY!

And we'll end on Cupid coming a-knockin'

The thought of receiving a poem is a little sweet... until you think about the fact that this has been copied and pasted to God only knows how many women. A quick Google search suggests it is original at least. And then there's the actual content. I'm going to try to interpret for you.

Ecru is that boring color for neutral walls or fabrics, not for beautiful scenery. Then there's the "fresh scent of musk" making this dusk sound pretty disgusting! I hope everyone's healthy... Uh oh, the next day she wakes up surrounded by "masses" staring at her and she is entangled in the sun lord's maze. Sounds like she's pretty sick and placed in isolation. Beads of sweat are skiing down her face? That's one heck of a fever! But the next line makes it all clear: Disease in the "fidgety breeze" with no cure........ Ebola :( Now he's in a hermetic environment too and those last lines sound pretty fatalistic.

(in all honesty, I have no idea what he's saying. Also, Ebola is not transmitted through the air if you are reading this and didn't know)

Offfff course

Almost immediately after re-activating my account:

I'm very well endowed and love to fully satisfy. Also I'm clean, ddf, shaved, and sterile. Interested?

*sigh*

Razzleberry enters the scene!

First post! Let's get started!

First off, no, I don't want to be your pet. Second, why is a 50 year old man sending messages to people half his age who specified the age range they ARE interested in? Creeper!

Ugh. While this may be true to an extent, it's hardly an appropriate first communication with someone. Plus, medical people don't talk about blood and gore 100% of the time! "Hey, how was your day, dude?" "Well, y'know same ol', same ol'. Today, I had a pancreas in one hand and a syringe full of pus and vomit in the other while blood and guts were just gushing everywhere! Pass me the salad, would ya?"

Speaking of medical conversations, I was having a nice chat with another guy until things suddenly went WAY off track. Super out of bounds! And then HE stopped messaging me after this O_o Keep it classy, STL!


And we'll end with a solid "what the- I can't even" o_o

Another inbox sampling

Yet another sampling of my inbox:

In case anyone was actually curious, here's the full text of the last two messages:
"heading to st. Louis in couple weeks. was hoping to find someone interested in just some bedroom fun in the evening. something that interest you?" (39% match from Texas)

"I'd love to fuck you good in Missionary with your legs in the air resting on my shoulders...I'll get nice and deep ;) Then I'll pound you nice and hard from behind in doggy style! I'd pull your hair and spank that sexy ass of yours! Also gotta mount you up on top of the thick hard dick and feel you ride me like a stallion! Bouncing up and down my throbbing shaft like its a pogostick.."

I get so much bad amateur porn, you wouldn't believe.

Also, that's a really good way to get a penis fracture. Just sayin'.

This also happened:
"Monster cock looking fur next victim"

Clearly he is a furry.

Profile dissection

I actually don't even have the energy to dissect. I'm just leaving it here in its glory for you:

Hello there! Get ready for a brick wall of fucking text.

Preface: I almost never send out the first message, so if you're interested, say hello.Why do I do this?1. I've sent out way too many thoughtful first messages that result in the girl viewing my profile and then never responding. Half the time I don't even care if they're interested in dating...I just want to pose some philosophical question relevant to their profile. So screw it, you can message me!2. I don't like gender roles such as the man having to be the one to make all the moves in a dating. I'd prefer there to be an equal balance between men and women. So, if you make the first move, I'll make the second :) I'm sure the feminists out there can agree with me?--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Also, one word messages (e.g. "hey") or overly simplistic/thoughtless messages such as "how are you," "how was your weekend," etc. will not warrant a response from me.In layman's terms, if you ain't got shit to say, I ain't got shit to say back.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm sort of curious how that works out for him. Dating online is *definitely* skewed in favor of women, at least on OK Cupid.

About YOU:I am looking for a like-minded individual. We don't have to share every ideology, but I prefer that you be non-religious and liberal. I don't care if you eat meat but for the love of god, asking me about why I became a vegetarian is NOT a good conversation starter. Also, telling me that you couldn't live without meat is only going to irritate me even more. So honestly, just don't bring it up in your first message...I don't have any set physical preferences. If I'm attracted to you, I'm attracted to you is the way I see it. I try to keep an open mind, but physical attraction is still important nonetheless. However, I don't necessarily disregard people on the basis of height/weight/ethnicity/boob size/etc.

Ah yes, the requirements list. This makes me want to message him asking him about meat, meat, and more meat.

Why I'm on here: My ultimate goal is to find a relationship. Nothing happens over night, and I don't plan to immediately enter a long-term, committed relationship, but shouldn't that be everyone's eventual goal? If I'm going on dates with you, it's not to have anything temporary. I do not do flings/friends with benefits/one night stands.

No. It shouldn't be everyone's eventual goal. Not everyone wants that.

What I’m doing with my lifeI'm a recent college graduate starting a master's program and graduate teaching assistantship. My major is and was Communication. What do I plan on doing with my degree when I get out? No clue. Don't ask.

But...Shouldn't you have at least *some* idea of what you're going to start looking to do when you graduate? Why'd you want the degree in the first place? These seem like reasonable questions when you're on a date.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and foodBooks - WikipediaMovies - The Pianist, Life is Beautiful, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, SidewaysShows - Game of Thrones, Parks and Recreation, Breaking Bad, Family Guy, King of the HillMusic - Pink Floyd, Death Cab, Coldplay to name a fewFood - Got a weak spot for a good bowl of macaroni and cheese.

Ugh. Coldplay. (This is admittedly my own hangup, and not actually a comment on other people. Mostly.)

I spend a lot of time thinking about

The role of height in dating. No, I am not 7'11'' inches tall. I do not list my height at the top of my profile because women tend to skip over my profile if I do...before even reading what I have to say. I'm not a midget by any stretch, just shorter than average standing at 5'6''. Nonetheless, being a shorter man in our society is not seen as a good quality. Shorter men make less money, are seen as less powerful, and subsequently, most women do not prefer short men.I have dated girls from 5'0'' tall to 6'3'', and I would date far outside that as well because I look for something deeper than what is on one's surface. Sure, we all have preferences, but preferences do not stop me from getting to know someone. Sometimes when we deviate outside our preferences or our idea of what would be an "ideal" partner, we find ourselves pleasantly surprised.Moreover, our society has this norm that the man should be taller than the woman in dating, a product of a patriarchal society. So, if you're a feminist, and you only date taller men, that might make you somewhat of a hypocrite.I've done a bit of research on this topic in school, and I found that studies show that most guys prefer shorter women, and most women prefer taller men. If you're actually reading this, message me with the word "elephant." Where the sexes are different is that men prefer slightly shorter women, and women prefer vastlytaller men; furthermore, women were the only sex in a particular study to reject men based on their being shorter.But what irks me about this subject is not necessarily that most women do not prefer men of my stature...it's that women have the audacity to tell men they aren't interested because of how tall (or short, rather) they are. I've heard "you're too short for me" plenty of times (from shorter and taller women). To me, that is the equivalent of a man saying to a woman, "you're too fat for me." Both scenarios are terribly rude, and I just think that most women don't realize they're being offensive when they tell a guy he is too short. It is indeed quite the double standard in our society that it's fine if women reject a man because of his appearance (height), but a man is a shallow "pig" if he rejects a woman because of hers (weight).This is a pretty awesome picture depicting what I just said:http://alturl.com/8u9qrTL;DR Rejecting someone formally based on their appearance is extremely rude. If you aren't interested in someone, just politely say you're not interested. You don't have to give a reason.And if my height deters you from wanting to speak to me, then I don't want to speak to you either.

Jesus Christ, so much bitterness about height. You know, honestly, it's probably better just to leave it on your profile and not mention it at all? Generally if you don't make a big deal about something, others won't make a big deal about it anyway, and since he doesn't send the first message to people, all that would happen is women who wouldn't have messaged him due to height...still won't do it.

The most private thing I’m willing to admitI'm actually a cat.And I really don't actually like the term "feminism" despite how I've used it on my profile. I'm down with the ideals of the feminist movement, but to me, the name stands for progression for solely women (which I know isn't true, but that's not what the name suggests) whereas I prefer the term "egalitarian," which would be more along the lines of progression for every sex against the current norms--male, female, transgender, etc.

Ugh. I'm not even going to get into my rant about erasing the axes of oppression by using the word "egalitarian" (or, equally egregious, "humanism".) Piss off with your privilege.

You should message me ifYou choose to.Also, I have a very strict dating policy. If we schedule a date, and you cancel, that's it. Stuff comes up, I know, but I've been blown off far too many times for me to care. If you're going to commit to a date, you should make that commitment. If I'm going to make time in my schedule to meet you, setting aside potential plans, then you should as well. Cancelling, especially at the last minute, is extremely disrespectful to anyone. If you can't make the date, sorry, but that's the end of it. (This mainly goes for first dates.)Too strict? Find another gentleman. There are plenty on here :)

*sigh*

Bleh

"I truly am so sry ok what happened was last night I was drunk and told u about how I'm ten Inches and thick and wanting to show u it I am so sry cause I truly actually do want to get to know u :-)"
Please note he'd never messaged me before. Sigh.

Please note these are all the same person

It's like he realized the previous tactics weren't working? I honestly don't know. I got most of these within a couple weeks of each other, so maybe he also has short-term memory loss.